TITANIC: Director's Cut
by SilverTidus
Summary: Eh, some little tidbits from the movie TITANIC that I thought would be kinda funny...


NOTE: I would like to start out by saying, that this is not directly insulting the ship, TITANIC, itself, but rather the movie.  
  
.......................................................................................  
  
1.  
  
Scene: After the ship has sunk, and Rose is floating on the door, with Jack in the ocean holding onto the door, dead.  
  
Rose: -Crying- I can't believe this happened, Jack?  
  
Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack?  
  
Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? TALK! Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Are you there? Jack?  
  
Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? -20 Minutes later- Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? ARE YOU DEAD!? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? Jack? WAKE UP YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT! I'M GETTING TIRED OF SAYING YOUR GOD DAMNED NAME! ARE YOU ALIVE OR NOT!?  
  
-shark comes up and bites off his lower half-  
  
Rose: I'll never let go...NEVER! -Has a mirage of a hamburger on the other side of the door-  
  
Rose: Ooooohhh! -Let's go of Jack's hand-  
  
NOTE: Am I the only one who thinks that if she bothered to lose a few pounds, she could have scooted her fat ass over on the door and given some room, so MAYBE he would have lived?  
  
2.  
  
Scene: When Rose is about to kill herself by jumping off the of the ship, but Jack tries to talk her out of it.  
  
Rose: I'll jump!  
  
Jack: No you won't.  
  
MEANWHILE  
  
-In room where Captain steers (Cut me some slack, I forgot what it's called)  
  
-The captain and several crewmen are in there, watching the whole suicide thing through a window-  
  
Captain: I bet 4 Grand she jumps!  
  
Crewman 1: 8 Grand she doesn't!  
  
-The voices of several crewmen making bets fills the air*  
  
3.  
  
Scene: Where Jack is handcuffed to the pole, and Rose is going to attempt to try to cut the handcuffs off with an axe.  
  
Jack: I want you to practice swinging, on that cupboard.  
  
Rose: -Goes into a rampage of swinging the bat into the cupboard, screaming and shouting as she chops it up into a few pieces of wood-  
  
Jack: o_O  
  
Rose: Hehe, sorry, I was just having so much fun.  
  
Jack: Ok, now try to get my handcuffs.  
  
Rose: Swings  
  
-SPLAT-  
  
Jack: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
4.  
  
Scene: Where he makes the portrait of Rose, yeah...that one ;)  
  
Rose: -wearing that bathrobe- I hear you paint portraits for only a dime.  
  
Jack: Yeah...  
  
Rose: -Tosses quarter-  
  
Jack: o_ô ???  
  
Rose: -opens up bathrobe-  
  
Jack: OH GOD!!!!!!! -Shields eyes-  
  
Rose: God dammit just paint the portrait.  
  
Jack: Ummm...uhh....*gags*...just uh....sit on that couch.  
  
Rose: Like THIS?  
  
Jack: -Gags again- Yeah... Now lift your arm..  
  
Rose: -Long strands of hair appear as she lifts her arm-  
  
Jack: -to himself- KILL MEEEEEEEE!!!  
  
Rose: Do you want me to do anything with my breasts?  
  
Jack: Umm... is it at all possible to try to stretch them out, so the wrinkles are less obvious?  
  
Rose: _;;  
  
5.  
  
Scene: Where Rose and Jack are running from her fiance, after portrait scene, and go down to the boiler place.  
  
Rose: THIS IS SO EXCITING!  
  
-Slow motion running through boiler room-  
  
Jack: Umm... should you be wearing that long-ass dress through this boiler room?  
  
Rose: -Dress flies into an oven thing and catches fire.  
  
Rose: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
6  
  
Scene: When they're making love in the old car  
  
Rose: You're shaking...  
  
Jack: -In mind- Because you're disgusting body is scaring me.  
  
Rose: Don't STOP!  
  
-Back to view of steamy windows-  
  
-Hand pops up on window, and clenches and moves around on window, breaking it-  
  
Director: OKAY! ENOUGH!  
  
-Car rocks back and forth violently-  
  
This, to tell the truth, was one of the worst things in my opinion, that I've ever written. I was just thinking about the movie in English, and started thinking that these things would be funny to see, but ended up to be crap. But I'm posting it for the hell of it.  
  
I am in no way associated with the movie TITANIC, I just made this. And all that other legal crap that everyone has heard and no one cares about. Like the characters and setting blah blah blah are not my own. 


End file.
